The Sheppard Spy: October 2010

Monday, October 25, 2010

Life Events Scale

So I took a stress test type of thing today.. one of those "To learn the level of stress (distress) in your life, check in the empty box at the left of each of the following events if it has occurred within the past 12 months:" (http://www.roadtowellbeing.ca/questionnaires/life-stressors.html) dealy-boppers and this is what it told me.

If your total score is more than 150, find ways to reduce stress in your daily life so that your stress level does not increase. A score of 300+ means that you have a high susceptibility to stress-related illness.

My score was 583.

I am screwed, got it, thanks.

But then I look up at Aiden, who has added many of those points onto my total--and couldn't be more grateful. I love him so much and wouldn't give him back for anything. I love my family. THEY keep me sane.

Peace, Love, and CookieDough

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Moving

0 Pensive Blurps

So, we are moving to a house about 15 minutes away and need to be out of our apartment on the 31st of the month SOOOO seeing as how that is Sunday and Halloween we are wanting to be out and done by the 30th... joy.

I am SO excited to be living in a house in less than a week and a half. HOWEVER. I am NOT excited to say that I have JUST started packing and couldn't feel further away from accomplishment!

I hate packing. I hate moving. It sucks big time. I wish there were a simpler way. I wish I could just snap my fingers and have all of my stuff magically transported to our home. I hate having to find boxes. I hate cramming everything into each box and trying to keep track of it all and stay somewhat organized. I hate deep cleaning -- it reminds me of college clean checks (which also sucked).

That being said....

I LOVE our little house that we are moving into. I love that Aiden will have his own room. I love that we will have a (giant flipping acre sized) yard and even a swing set. I love that we will have more room and even plenty of storage! I love the idea of having an empty place again and needing to fill it up (slowly) with new finds.

So I guess I have to just keep telling myself about all that I AM looking forward to and trudge through this awful, tedious, hated crap called moving.. because it WILL be worth it!

Peace, Love, and CookieDough

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My Strength

2 Pensive Blurps

Many years ago, I built a life size replica of the wall of china around myself. I distanced myself from those that could hurt me and those that cared for me were banished to the land surrounding my wall. They weren't allowed in. They couldn't see me bawl my eyes out. They didn't hear my yell and scream about my pain. I kept them out with my wall. I would even find myself angered that I had waited so long to build it. Frustrated at the possibility that I could have saved myself some pain had i built it earlier...

Over the years I took comfort in my wall. I became so comfortable with it that I forgot that it was even there. And through time, without my knowing it, that wall that kept everyone out, began to crumble. It wasn't unstable, it didn't just falter, no, I had built it too strong for that. However, because I had so much confidence in my wall, I neglected it, I trusted its power, and in that trust, my neglect led to it being torn down.

Brick by brick, by brick, my family slowly began to tear it down. When I met TK, that wall came down faster than a child in daycare with the flu in the middle of winter. But somehow, I still didn't notice. I was ignorant because every time I checked, I was still fully protected. With each brick that was taken away, my husband and family became the mortar and the bricks. Through time, my family became my wall. I didn't need any other protection, they weren't standing on the outside, I wasn't keeping them at bay, they were what kept me going, kept me safe, and kept me alive.

They healed me. Not that I was horribly damaged... But I was afraid to look. I was afraid, after anything horrible happened, to look and face the fact that there might be a scar. That I may not be at my best. But my family, they keep me at my best. They push me to excellence. They lift me to my highest. TK, Aiden, my parents, and siblings--my best friends. My family is my life, my source of all that keeps me going. I love them more than I could ever explain. More than I ever thought possible. My family is all that is good in this world. They are my rock, my foundation, my wall, and my soul. I love them.