Putting Aiden to Bed Tonight

I asked Aiden to say the prayer tonight:

“Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you to play on my computer. And I play Lego star wars. And I play minecraft and please bless us to sleep good and be safe and I save myself in minecraft, I play kindle and watch star wars and light sabers and go to church and in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. And have no bad dreams.”

And then he goes, “I did it mommy! I prayed!!” and I said,

“Yeah buddy, that was awesome, great job!!”

“And I said, have no bad dreams”

“I know, but its ok, he heard you still. Do you know who we pray to when we pray?”

“Yeah, Heavenly Father! And I love Heavenly Father and I love Jesus. Do you love Jesus?”

“Yes I do.”

“Yeah, and Daddy loves Jesus and Eva loves Jesus and EVERYONE loves Jesus.”

“Yeah and Jesus loves all of us and so does Heavenly Father.”

“Yeah!! And I have no bad dreams”

“Good, I hope you have wonderful dreams. I hope you dream about flying, and swimming, and going to the beach, and eating lots of candy.”

“yeah, and you have good dreams too, mommy. Dreams about going to the store and get groceries and the library and buy me clock books and work and you have those good dreams, ok mommy?”

“hahahahahahahahah, ok, son. I love you.”

“Am I funny mommy?”

“You’re the best, kid”

“Yeah, I make you happy!”

“Yes, yes you do!”

“Ok goodnight mommy! Have good dreams.”

“Goodnight Aiden.” 

He sure does know how to melt his mother's heart.

The Working Mama

"I started working at a wonderful salon back in May of this year. This is my dream salon. It has everything I could ever want from a salon as far as the class, reputation and sophistication as well as continuing education and emphasis they put on expanding your skills and knowledge. It is my dream career.

But not my dream job. My dream job has always been and will always be to be a stay at home mom. Not that I don't LOVE working in the salon and working with my wonderful clients, because I do--it is the best career I ever could have chosen, I have such a passion and love for it but I love being with my children more.

That being said, this week has started off really rough for me. Nothing has happened, just I put my baby girl to bed one night and got choked up at how old she has gotten while I wasn't looking. She is a walking, chatting, playing, laughing, loving toddler. I blinked. I blinked and my baby is gone. It is killing me. I don't know her as well as I should. I don't know her favorite food or her favorite book or her favorite toy.

I just.. arejgdsfsodf. I don't know..."


I wrote this unfinished post almost 3 weeks ago. And I am STILL struggling. I love doing hair but, while it is a talent and a passion of mine, nothing can compare to being a stay at home mom. And the truth is, I ache to be with them everyday that I am at work. And then I feel like crap when I get home, tired, and low on energy to play with them. But nothing is worse than when I put them to bed at night knowing that an entire day has gone by and I have barely given them 5 minutes of my time. The guilt that I feel is unmeasurable. I feel like such a failure. I want to be home with my kids, but right now, it just isn't an option for me or my family. And to make it even worse, we still aren't making ends meet. So here I am killing myself and hurting my family, and for what!? To ALMOST cover our expenses. a;skdfha;sdhfa'sdhf

I realize that I am just starting to build my clientele and that these things take time and patience and that lots of moms work and that I am only one of millions but I am still new to it and clearly struggling and just needing to vent. I need to go on record saying that I wish I were home with my family. I wish I played with them all day. I wish my daughter knew me better. I wish my home were a place of order. I wish I were superwoman, but I am just me. And I just need to try harder tomorrow. But tonight, tonight I am allowed to be down.

Preschool

My little man started preschool last week! Thursday was his first day. It was staggered start so there were only 9 children and the other 9 went on Friday. He had a great day! He was so brave and exited!!! We picked him up exhausted :) They even got him to take a nap, which he hadn't done in about a year, but I can tell we'll be a welcome change!! Monday was labor day so he didn't go back until yesterday. He was weary once we got there but who can blame the poor kid?? He's used to sleeping in until 8:30 or so and now mom is waking him up at 6:15!! He sat down to eat his breakfast before I left. Today, his third day, he didn't want me to leave again. I helped him hang his backpack in his cubby, wash his hands, and get his breakfast. He started eating and immediately began feeling more comfortable again. There were plenty of kids in the same boat, unsure of the many new faces. Hopefully he'll make friends soon and be exited to be there. I love him so much and an so proud of how brave and strong he has been!! He is such an amazing kid. I can't believe how big he's getting!! He's so kind and loving. He loves to read books and is obsessed with trying to tell the time!!! He can spell his first, middle, and lady names and knows our phone number by heart. He's a little genius and I love him to pieces!!

My Growing Kids

I love motherhood. It is the greatest thing I have ever done and will be the greatest thing I will ever do. 

It is my greatest achievement, even on my worst of days. My proudest moments are when I am watching them, my beautiful children. They truly are the best.

I cannot believe how big they are! Aiden is 3 and a half. He will be 4 come August. He is a computer whiz, the best big brother, a crazy big helper, polite, and imaginative! He thinks he's really funny! 

and I guess I have to agree :) He loves dancing and singing, playing on the computer, rough housing, playing with his play dough and playing outside! He's a great friend!! Always having play dates and hanging with his buddies! He is the best snuggler in the world and I cherish every moment he holds me! 

He is such a proud big brother! Always loving and smooching and doting upon his baby sister!! Always trying his best to make her laugh!! And he's a pro at it!! 

He is enthusiastic about just about everything!! He's energetic and passionate and creative and rambunctious!! 

And probably one of the bravest and toughest kids that I know! I love him ever so much!!

Eva, oh my sweet little Eva Ryann. She is almost ONE! I cannot believe how fast the year has flown! She is HUGE!!! My beautiful little chunk :) She crawls faster than anyone's business! She is ticklish beyond belief! Her neck especially, like her Grandma Terri :) Her big beautiful eyes remind me of her Aunt Nikki---makes me smile every time I catch it. 

She loves her big brother the most, still! But is a big snuggler when it comes to her daddy! She plays peekaboo, gives high fives, waves and says bye bye, gives kisses and blows kisses too! 

And OH MY GOSH does she LOVE her food?!?! Forget that baby crap! Her favorite is Pizza!! And has been for a couple of months now. But she also loves pasta and fruit and vegetables and well, i guess there is nothing that we have given her that she hasn't devoured!!

She's the happiest when she's eating or playing with her brother! She has the most animated expressions!! She cracks me up!

She has beautiful strawberry blond hair that I am just SOOO excited for-- I can't wait until it grows out so that I can play with it!! So much love for my baby girl!

They make me more proud than anything on this earth. They are the best! I am such a crazy lucky mom!!!

Failing, On Average.

I don't even know when my last blog was!! Yes, I could go and look, but I'm lazy, clearly, hence the no blogging. duh.

So since last time....

Pretty sure it was about my resolutions and how I am going to be a better person, better blogger, better mother, blah blah blah... yeah... I fail.

I haven't blogged since.

Ok, I'll go and look it up.... My resolutions were:

1. Watch less TV.
2. Do Laundry Weekly.
3. Maintain my Stellar GPA
4. Work Out
5. Blog
6. Date Night
7. Temple Trips
8. New Calling
9. Take time to breathe.

Lets grade my progress thus far, shall we?!

1. Less TV? C--I am watching a bit less during the day. Honestly, I am. But shows that aren't scary or inappropriate, I'll still try to watch while the kids play independently.... And I haven't actually cut any of my shows out of my weekly "must stay caught up" list.... But, I do keep many shows until after bedtime... which means less during the day and more time for my kids.. so that is better, but not my best.

2. Do Laundry Weekly. C, again--- I do do the laundry at least bi-weekly. But I still don't fold it. Gahhh, MUST FOLD AT LEAST ONE LOAD THIS WEEK!!!!

3. Maintain my stellar GPA--F. I call em like I see them and that is the grade that I will more than likely be receiving from the one class on my schedule this semester that I ONLY took to get my credit count up. I don't need it to graduate and it truly isn't even adding to my knowledge in any helpful manner. Its an online course and I just don't care anymore!! I am so ready to be done--IN ONE MONTH-- that I just, don't care. So yes, I fail this one. But my other classes, the ones I DO need to graduate, those are going amazingly. At least in the sense that I am rocking them! I don't care for the classes, honestly. The teacher somehow manages to make a 4 hour class out of 1 hours worth of content... its so pointless and wasteful... but I'm acing them,.

4. Work Out-- This week? F. A couple weeks ago? A+. I was working out daily with TK and his brother Ben. But the kids were getting the crummy end of it.. Eva was missing at least 1 nap daily because of it and being such a grumpy butt. So I had to drop out... But the weather is getting good again, maybe I can find a way to get up early and run.. or do a quick home workout during nap... we'll see.

5. Blog. F. Bottom line. F- if it were a thing.

6. Date night. F. Next month is our anniversary. Maybe we'll do something then.

7. Temple trips. F. None thus far.

8. New Calling- A+. I am loving it! I couldn't have hoped for it to go better than it is. I love it!!!!!

9. Breathing. Yes, still doing that. A. (yay for easy resolutions!)

See, told you I fail. Maybe better luck this quarter...