Putting Aiden to Bed Tonight

I asked Aiden to say the prayer tonight:

“Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you to play on my computer. And I play Lego star wars. And I play minecraft and please bless us to sleep good and be safe and I save myself in minecraft, I play kindle and watch star wars and light sabers and go to church and in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. And have no bad dreams.”

And then he goes, “I did it mommy! I prayed!!” and I said,

“Yeah buddy, that was awesome, great job!!”

“And I said, have no bad dreams”

“I know, but its ok, he heard you still. Do you know who we pray to when we pray?”

“Yeah, Heavenly Father! And I love Heavenly Father and I love Jesus. Do you love Jesus?”

“Yes I do.”

“Yeah, and Daddy loves Jesus and Eva loves Jesus and EVERYONE loves Jesus.”

“Yeah and Jesus loves all of us and so does Heavenly Father.”

“Yeah!! And I have no bad dreams”

“Good, I hope you have wonderful dreams. I hope you dream about flying, and swimming, and going to the beach, and eating lots of candy.”

“yeah, and you have good dreams too, mommy. Dreams about going to the store and get groceries and the library and buy me clock books and work and you have those good dreams, ok mommy?”

“hahahahahahahahah, ok, son. I love you.”

“Am I funny mommy?”

“You’re the best, kid”

“Yeah, I make you happy!”

“Yes, yes you do!”

“Ok goodnight mommy! Have good dreams.”

“Goodnight Aiden.” 

He sure does know how to melt his mother's heart.

The Working Mama

"I started working at a wonderful salon back in May of this year. This is my dream salon. It has everything I could ever want from a salon as far as the class, reputation and sophistication as well as continuing education and emphasis they put on expanding your skills and knowledge. It is my dream career.

But not my dream job. My dream job has always been and will always be to be a stay at home mom. Not that I don't LOVE working in the salon and working with my wonderful clients, because I do--it is the best career I ever could have chosen, I have such a passion and love for it but I love being with my children more.

That being said, this week has started off really rough for me. Nothing has happened, just I put my baby girl to bed one night and got choked up at how old she has gotten while I wasn't looking. She is a walking, chatting, playing, laughing, loving toddler. I blinked. I blinked and my baby is gone. It is killing me. I don't know her as well as I should. I don't know her favorite food or her favorite book or her favorite toy.

I just.. arejgdsfsodf. I don't know..."


I wrote this unfinished post almost 3 weeks ago. And I am STILL struggling. I love doing hair but, while it is a talent and a passion of mine, nothing can compare to being a stay at home mom. And the truth is, I ache to be with them everyday that I am at work. And then I feel like crap when I get home, tired, and low on energy to play with them. But nothing is worse than when I put them to bed at night knowing that an entire day has gone by and I have barely given them 5 minutes of my time. The guilt that I feel is unmeasurable. I feel like such a failure. I want to be home with my kids, but right now, it just isn't an option for me or my family. And to make it even worse, we still aren't making ends meet. So here I am killing myself and hurting my family, and for what!? To ALMOST cover our expenses. a;skdfha;sdhfa'sdhf

I realize that I am just starting to build my clientele and that these things take time and patience and that lots of moms work and that I am only one of millions but I am still new to it and clearly struggling and just needing to vent. I need to go on record saying that I wish I were home with my family. I wish I played with them all day. I wish my daughter knew me better. I wish my home were a place of order. I wish I were superwoman, but I am just me. And I just need to try harder tomorrow. But tonight, tonight I am allowed to be down.

Preschool

My little man started preschool last week! Thursday was his first day. It was staggered start so there were only 9 children and the other 9 went on Friday. He had a great day! He was so brave and exited!!! We picked him up exhausted :) They even got him to take a nap, which he hadn't done in about a year, but I can tell we'll be a welcome change!! Monday was labor day so he didn't go back until yesterday. He was weary once we got there but who can blame the poor kid?? He's used to sleeping in until 8:30 or so and now mom is waking him up at 6:15!! He sat down to eat his breakfast before I left. Today, his third day, he didn't want me to leave again. I helped him hang his backpack in his cubby, wash his hands, and get his breakfast. He started eating and immediately began feeling more comfortable again. There were plenty of kids in the same boat, unsure of the many new faces. Hopefully he'll make friends soon and be exited to be there. I love him so much and an so proud of how brave and strong he has been!! He is such an amazing kid. I can't believe how big he's getting!! He's so kind and loving. He loves to read books and is obsessed with trying to tell the time!!! He can spell his first, middle, and lady names and knows our phone number by heart. He's a little genius and I love him to pieces!!

My Growing Kids

I love motherhood. It is the greatest thing I have ever done and will be the greatest thing I will ever do. 

It is my greatest achievement, even on my worst of days. My proudest moments are when I am watching them, my beautiful children. They truly are the best.

I cannot believe how big they are! Aiden is 3 and a half. He will be 4 come August. He is a computer whiz, the best big brother, a crazy big helper, polite, and imaginative! He thinks he's really funny! 

and I guess I have to agree :) He loves dancing and singing, playing on the computer, rough housing, playing with his play dough and playing outside! He's a great friend!! Always having play dates and hanging with his buddies! He is the best snuggler in the world and I cherish every moment he holds me! 

He is such a proud big brother! Always loving and smooching and doting upon his baby sister!! Always trying his best to make her laugh!! And he's a pro at it!! 

He is enthusiastic about just about everything!! He's energetic and passionate and creative and rambunctious!! 

And probably one of the bravest and toughest kids that I know! I love him ever so much!!

Eva, oh my sweet little Eva Ryann. She is almost ONE! I cannot believe how fast the year has flown! She is HUGE!!! My beautiful little chunk :) She crawls faster than anyone's business! She is ticklish beyond belief! Her neck especially, like her Grandma Terri :) Her big beautiful eyes remind me of her Aunt Nikki---makes me smile every time I catch it. 

She loves her big brother the most, still! But is a big snuggler when it comes to her daddy! She plays peekaboo, gives high fives, waves and says bye bye, gives kisses and blows kisses too! 

And OH MY GOSH does she LOVE her food?!?! Forget that baby crap! Her favorite is Pizza!! And has been for a couple of months now. But she also loves pasta and fruit and vegetables and well, i guess there is nothing that we have given her that she hasn't devoured!!

She's the happiest when she's eating or playing with her brother! She has the most animated expressions!! She cracks me up!

She has beautiful strawberry blond hair that I am just SOOO excited for-- I can't wait until it grows out so that I can play with it!! So much love for my baby girl!

They make me more proud than anything on this earth. They are the best! I am such a crazy lucky mom!!!

Failing, On Average.

I don't even know when my last blog was!! Yes, I could go and look, but I'm lazy, clearly, hence the no blogging. duh.

So since last time....

Pretty sure it was about my resolutions and how I am going to be a better person, better blogger, better mother, blah blah blah... yeah... I fail.

I haven't blogged since.

Ok, I'll go and look it up.... My resolutions were:

1. Watch less TV.
2. Do Laundry Weekly.
3. Maintain my Stellar GPA
4. Work Out
5. Blog
6. Date Night
7. Temple Trips
8. New Calling
9. Take time to breathe.

Lets grade my progress thus far, shall we?!

1. Less TV? C--I am watching a bit less during the day. Honestly, I am. But shows that aren't scary or inappropriate, I'll still try to watch while the kids play independently.... And I haven't actually cut any of my shows out of my weekly "must stay caught up" list.... But, I do keep many shows until after bedtime... which means less during the day and more time for my kids.. so that is better, but not my best.

2. Do Laundry Weekly. C, again--- I do do the laundry at least bi-weekly. But I still don't fold it. Gahhh, MUST FOLD AT LEAST ONE LOAD THIS WEEK!!!!

3. Maintain my stellar GPA--F. I call em like I see them and that is the grade that I will more than likely be receiving from the one class on my schedule this semester that I ONLY took to get my credit count up. I don't need it to graduate and it truly isn't even adding to my knowledge in any helpful manner. Its an online course and I just don't care anymore!! I am so ready to be done--IN ONE MONTH-- that I just, don't care. So yes, I fail this one. But my other classes, the ones I DO need to graduate, those are going amazingly. At least in the sense that I am rocking them! I don't care for the classes, honestly. The teacher somehow manages to make a 4 hour class out of 1 hours worth of content... its so pointless and wasteful... but I'm acing them,.

4. Work Out-- This week? F. A couple weeks ago? A+. I was working out daily with TK and his brother Ben. But the kids were getting the crummy end of it.. Eva was missing at least 1 nap daily because of it and being such a grumpy butt. So I had to drop out... But the weather is getting good again, maybe I can find a way to get up early and run.. or do a quick home workout during nap... we'll see.

5. Blog. F. Bottom line. F- if it were a thing.

6. Date night. F. Next month is our anniversary. Maybe we'll do something then.

7. Temple trips. F. None thus far.

8. New Calling- A+. I am loving it! I couldn't have hoped for it to go better than it is. I love it!!!!!

9. Breathing. Yes, still doing that. A. (yay for easy resolutions!)

See, told you I fail. Maybe better luck this quarter...

Resolutions

I don't know how much stock I actually put into resolutions.. I mean.. I get it. More than 90% of people that make their New Year's Resolutions fail within the first month or two... and I am probably one of them. Which is why I've, in the past several years, not even tried. I make goals throughout the year, but just haven't really made those "This year, I'm going to ___" stuff.

But, people change, so maybe I have too. I want to write some down, and maybe next year, I can look back and say, "oh hey! I actually did one of those!!"

1. Watch less TV.
This is one that I've already started working on since TK has gone back to work. The kids need even more attention and I need more time with them to bond and love on them... So I try to only watch TV when I'm pumping. Family movie nights and minecraft dates are still permitted. But I am trying really hard to keep mine and Aiden's screen time way down. And since TK is back to work, his screen time is probably down 75% or more! So I'd say we're off to a good start!

2. Do Laundry Weekly.
Ok, if you know me you know I hate laundry. And if you know me really, REALLY, I mean REALLLLYYYY well, you know just exactly how much I hate it.... and for those of you that follow this blog, I will let you in on just how much... I hate it SOO much that when I actually do get around to doing it, i still don't fold it.. any of it.. ever. It clogs my hall in front of my laundry room (unless of course I'm having people over, in which case i kick the giant pile into my bedroom to join the rest...) and it clogs my bedroom.. entirely... like, we're talking barely (and rarely) being able to see the floor. I LOATHE laundry. But I am truly getting sick and tired of climbing over mountains of the stuff. And digging just to find an outfit or Aiden's socks. SO. Hopefully, through getting into a routine, laundry will actually make the to-do list.. and in doing so.. folding will as well. I'll probably buy some more hangers (you know, sometime during 2014....) and maybe even a new dresser.... we'll see. Oh, and maybe I'll permit myself to watch one show while folding... that's a good incentive/compromise, right?

3. Maintain my Stellar GPA
I have two more classes to take before I finally have my degree. During my entire time at RCCC, each and every semester I have made either the Dean's (3.5+ GPA) or the President's (4.0 GPA) list. I hope to do the same this last semester and finish off strong. Even though, at this point, as long as I pass, it really makes no difference :)

4. Work Out
Right now it is cold. But that doesn't generally last long, here in NC. When it was warm out, two friends and I were running with our kiddos nearly every morning and then doing strength training at the park while our kiddos played. I want to get back to that. I was so proud of myself and had lost some inches and really want to do it again! I felt more confident--even if I was exhausted :) So come March, I hope to start again and maintain it through October. That's 8 months. We'll see, maybe I'll track my weight, inches, and everything and really push myself to see what I can do!!

5. Blog
My blog isn't to attract attention or gain fans. It is to document mine and my family's life. A place to hold our memories.. the good and the bad... and cherish our time together. I got behind while I was in school but really want to keep it up. This is also a good pass-time while I am pumping... So hopefully when that goes away.. the blogging will still stay.

6. Date Night
I WISH we could do a monthly date night. Heck, I wish we could do a weekly date night!! But I am hoping, that in 2014, TK and I will be able to make time and efforts to have a date night at least once each month. Even if it is a stay-at-home after-the-kids-are-asleep kind of thing. Just to make it special and spend quality time with the man I love most.

7. Temple Trips
Our temple is 2 hours away. I have yet to visit it for the sole purpose of attending a session. I am going to change that this year. I will go. I must go. It is very important to me and I look forward to it immensely. I hope to make it a part of my life. I can't wait.

8. New Calling
I got a new calling as of last Sunday--Primary Presidency 1st Counselor. (The Primary is a children's organization and an official auxiliary within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church). It acts as a Sunday school organization for the church's children under the age of 12.) I am THRILLED. I used to teach the primary children music and LOVED working with them. They are so sweet!! Its going to be so much fun!! And the women I work with are AMAZING. I am thrilled to dig in and get started.

9. Take time to breathe.
With my new full-time mommy position, two classes, a new and involved calling in church--I just need to remember to breathe through it all. Enjoy every moment. Enjoy my kids, my husband, my work, my play, everything.

I can't wait for 2014. Here's to hoping it doesn't go too fast.