Sunday, August 23, 2009

Focus on that which is Important

Alright. I know that it is bad for me to focus on such things; therefore, I wish to vent about them, get them out of my system, and try to move on.

How can you love someone you hate?
I need to find this answer.
I hate someone. I hate them for who they are, for what they've done, and that they won't go away. I hate who they interact with and I hate that those people try to interact with me still. I hate that this person pretends that they are a perfect, "law-abiding citizen". I hate that this person doesn't see why I can hate them and I hate that no time or distance has dissolved my hate. I hate that this person is vulgar and vindictive. But most of all, I hate that I hate this person.
Not that they don't deserve it. Gah. There I go again. It's not my place to judge this person. But how on earth is it their call to judge others? flkajsdl;fasdhga[h
We are commanded to love others. We are taught that those around us are our brothers and our sisters; that we are supposed to love everyone
Zechariah 8:17
And let none of you imagine evil in your hearts against his neighbour... for all these are things that I hate, saith the LORD.

or better yet,
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you

How is it that I am supposed to love this person?? How can i bless them when I know that they are cursing someone I love? How can I do good when all I want to do is remove them from any possible situation, forever. How am I to be expected to pray for them after all in which they have done and said against my family? I hate them. The only person in which I have ever hated and I have hated them for almost half of my life now. How can I let this go. How am I supposed to love them and forgive them for all in which they have inflicted upon me and those I love most?

I can pray for those who deal with this person. I can't even think too highly of those who know what this person is capable of, what they've done, and still can stand by them, and consider them "friend". laksldfaspdyg[a how dare you!?!

I'm so glad there is an entire country separating me and this person and anyone who would keep me invovled with them. I couldn't even tell you what I would do if I were to come into contact with this person. God only knows if I'd be able to go through with all in which encompasses my mind. But I will, one day, have to account for all of my malice thoughts. I will have to explain myself and try to defend myself. I will have to tell my heavenly fathers why I felt as though I would have no problem striking this person, this child of God, with my fist or even my vehicle. I have to get ahold of myself as well as my imagination. I have to not just control my anger, but find a way to get rid of it, and replace it with love. But I have just come around full circle, to how on earth am I supposed to find love for someone who has done so much to hurt me, my family, and our chances at what matters most. To defile such a sacred thing with vulgar accusations. To rip apart a family. To be so... revolting. AHG. I just don't know how I am supposed to do this. I don't know. And it kills me. I'm sorry, but I just.. don't know what to do.


  1. Oh Jillian how I love you. You are not afraid to tell the truth! Trust me we all know how you feel, but the title of your post is the answer for now. Focus on what is important. This person is not going to suceed, we are stronger and better than that. Heavenly Father knows the truth and he will help others to feel the truth and the lies through the Holy Ghost and we just have to pray that this person can be happy with their life because obviously they aren't if they are trying to ruin others and we need to be examples by living our lives the way we should. Those are the thoughts that have come to me in the last few minutes anyways and what I personally am going to try to do because I to feel just like you!

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