Wednesday, April 27, 2011

An Angel's Whisper

As I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, a memory comes to mind. It is of my little sister and I, squeezed into a little day bed, too trying to fall asleep but failing. We weren't tired. So, as we often would, we asked Mom to sing us a song. Mom always claimed that she couldn't sing and therefore was always reluctant to comply with our request, but did nonetheless. I remember her smell, always of lotion before bed. And how she felt, she always wore silk pajamas. But as I lay here, remembering this memory, I cannot remember her voice. The voice that always calmed my fears and adorned me with "I love you Jilly Bean"s, the voice that taught me right from wrong and where I came from and who I am, the voice that sang me to sleep and sounded so beautiful despite what she said. That voice escapes my memory....

My mind whirls and I try to focus, to hear what I know is there, somewhere, but nothing. Not mom, not Jamie, no Nikki. I have lost so many memories. Just, fallen through the cracks, and now the few that remain, have been stripped. Silent films, too immature for this time. I need more than that. They desreve than that! How could this happen and how can I keep it from continuing? It's bad enough that I can't hear them calming my fears and whispering "I love you", its bad enough that I can't hear their direction that I pray for every night, its bad enough that I can't hear my mom's motherly advice as I try to raise my own son, but to not be able to hear their voices in a simple memory. Something that should be mine, safe from tampering, safe from death. That is just cruel.

1 comment:

  1. I've got the old video camera with the tapes. You'll have to take it when u are here


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